


This smoke in my lungs (is strangling me).

by Littledanceingdragons



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Addiction, Implied Relationships, Implied/Referenced Addiction, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:40:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25998412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Littledanceingdragons/pseuds/Littledanceingdragons
Summary: The familiar smell of cigarettes makes him nearly forget about the three bodies in the bed. He was tangled up with them before. But the smoke dug its claws into Gray and he couldn't stop it. He never can. The others are gonna be upset with him when they smell smoke on his skin. Gray can't bring himself to care about it. Smoke is familiar, something warm. Just as it can be cold.Or Gray has a nightmare & copes using cigarettes.
Relationships: Natsu Dragneel & Gray Fullbuster, Rogue Cheney & Gray Fullbuster, Rogue Cheney/Natsu Dragneel/Sting Eucliffe/Gray Fullbuster, Sting Eucliffe & Gray Fullbuster
Comments: 2
Kudos: 40





	This smoke in my lungs (is strangling me).

**Author's Note:**

> Hey so there's an implied Reference to smoking addiction! It's very lightly implied! Not the whole story. Please be sure you understand the tags & Comments will be moderated because again I've had people outright attack me and I am not here for letting toxic people ruin this story!

Gray doesn't breathe. He can't let his lungs stop straining. The cigarette is easy to fit between his practiced fingers. Inhaling the curl of smoke is even better. Slowly the stress in his bones melts. The rest of him relaxes, sitting here and leaning against the wood. He takes another long drag of it, filling his lungs with a cloud of smoke that calms him. Gray doesn't think about it. He doesn't think about the pain in his heart and the rage in his core. 

Sighing Gray watches the smoke sink its claws into the air around him. 

The familiar smell of cigarettes makes him nearly forget about the three bodies in the bed. He was tangled up with them before. But the smoke dug its claws into Gray and he couldn't stop it.  _ He never can.  _ The others are gonna be upset with him when they smell smoke on his skin. Gray can't bring himself to care about it. Smoke is familiar, something warm. Just as it can be cold. The door behind him opens and the stick in his hand is taken. Gray doesn't protest. He never can when it comes to him. Natsu's warmth presses against his side. 

Gray's already shaking like a leaf. He doesn't talk, just leaning against his trembling body. The silence curls around him, soothing the rough emotions swirling in his head. Gray closes his eyes. Natsu is tucked against him, looking at the area around them. He doesn't mind. 

_ Don't you know Gray? This is going to tear you apart.  _ The thoughts are back, stabbing small truths into his skin. The reason Gray stumbled out of bed with a pack in his hand. It's not ideal, but it helps.  _ Stop kidding yourself. They are all going to leave. First Sting then Rouge and Natsu.  _ His hands itch for the pack on the step below the one he's sitting on. 

" It's happening again. " Natsu says, his eyes aren't on Gray. He nods a little.  _ He's going to leave. Stop being attached.  _ Words drag their way through his skin. Gray tries to breathe, bringing in the night air as if it will help anything. 

Natsu grabs his hand, rubbing small circles into the skin there. Taking another breath helps, the cold air waking Gray up more. After a few silent moments, the door opens. The familiar creak of wood barely jolts him. Gray closes his eyes again.  _ They are all going to leave because you aren't enough.  _ He takes a breath.  _ Look at you, being pathetic.  _ The next breath is strangled. Air caught in his throat. Hands move through his hair and Gray melts into them. Another hand rubs his own. Bodies gently touching his own. 

_ Don't get comfortable now.  _

Gray breathes evenly. 

_ They will leave. Just like Ur did.  _

The next breath is harder. 

_ Ultear would be disappointed. They would too. Your parents would hate to see their son smoking again.  _

He shakes against their hands. 

" Love. " Sting calls from above him. He keeps his eyes closed but his breathing deepens. Gray squeezes Natsu's hand and then Rouge's.  _ I'm okay.  _

They help him inside, nothing but gentle touches and support. Gray is far from perfect but he’s not completely gone. Rouge separates from them, pressing a soft kiss into his hair. Gray watches him make a pitcher of tea because Gray's feet refuse to move from their spot. He knows he's not okay, but Natsu is guiding him to sit down at their kitchen table and Sting isn't letting go of their intertwined hands even as he sits down next to Gray.  _ Maybe It’s gonna be okay.  _ The thought makes his hands shake and his eyes fill with tears all over again. 

But it’s different. The ache in his heart is different than the one before. Natsu’s worried expression catches his eyes and he cries harder. “ Gray. “ Sting calls, he can’t lift his head. Warmth claws its way up to his chest and spreads through him. There’s a point where Gray isn’t aware. He’s stuck in a state of being unresponsive. 

_ It’s going to be okay.  _ The voice sounds like Natsu.  _ Love in and out.  _ Rogue's soft voice reaches his ears.  _ Do you think he's going to be okay?  _ Sting’s voice calls softly. Gray leans further into the warmth at his side. There’s a silence Gray doesn’t care about before Natsu’s voice filters through his ears. “ Love, it’s okay to go to sleep. “ He slumps, falling into a peaceful sleep in a matter of seconds. 

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Okay so here's the jist of things: 
> 
> This is a vent fic. It's emotional. Don't like don't open the damn story. And if you don't like it, please don't tell me about it in the comments. Not only is that absolutely horrible it's not constructive. And nor is an emotional story the place for any sort of constructive criticism outside of: the representation of mental illnesses, if there is a toxic trope or miss representation of something within the story. I'm only saying this because I have had problems with people acting as if commenting un-constructive opinions and or demands on my work before repeatedly. I am asking that you do not do this. 


End file.
